I have always been wanting to ask, " Just how much you think you know about me?"

This question is open to everyone. Those who know me for very long, those who know me for not so long and those who think that they know me..


Thinking back, I don't think I have revealed much about myself, my social background to anyone.
Looking at autographs books, Friendsters testimonials, report cards, the comments are all almost similar:
"Ling is a very cheerful person"
"Ling always has a smile on her face"
"I don't think I have ever seen Ling angry before"
"Ling has a cheerful disposition"
Blan blah blah... all along that line...

Even myself thinks that I am cheerful , optimistic, friendly..

But.
Is it my real self?
Or it is just a front, to hide something deep inside?

Random thoughts...

My OT (occupational therapist) added me in her friendster and so i decided to log in my friendster to see see look look..

anyway, i read some of my testimonials and decided maybe I shld just blog down watever memories that comes to my mind..

1. me and partner (mr yun shyong) took part in Stardust. During audition, we sang "Ni Zui Zhen Gui" and i think we were good loh... Den in finals, we sang "Guang Dao Zhi Lian" .. And dunno whose idea is it that me and partner sort of acted out a couple love-story while singing... yew... and i still remember a scene where he used his "delicate fingers" to wipe the "tears" on my face!!! goodness.... i think there was a time when people started to think that me and partner are actually a couple... i can feel my "ji pi ge da" while typing this entry...
so, after the finals, I don't sing "Guang Dao Zhi Lian" anymore..


2. during i think sec 1 or sec 2, we gotta sing a song during music lesson.. so me, jin, and sing were a group (cannot remember who else was in the group). We chose to sing "I love my City" by Lin Jia Lin (Nisa Lin). I still remember we went to Sing sing's house to practice the "catwalk". I think our performance is quite good.

3. during parents night, our class gotta perform a show.
People involved: me, jin, chee siang, michelle, ping shen, kok wee and ... dun remember..
Song: "Ding Zuo Yi Ge Tian Tang"
We practiced quite hard (at least for me and i supposed jin too). Even rehearsed at out technical teacher's room.
We presented the song during Parent's night.. yup.. the one where all your parents shld attend to get to know ur children's grades and teachers. Anyway, i think overall, our perfomance S.U.C.K.S. hur hur.. coz some of us (definitely not me.. i think i sang quite well though) sang out of tune, some sang offbeat.. watever.. any ways that u can make a song really sucks..
haha.. yew...


judging from the 3 experiences, one can really see that I have some "tian1 fu4" in performing.. ha.

Amnesia or Repression?

According to Satir, people's behaviours/ coping methods could be charaterised by 5 stances and 4 out of the 5 are dysfunctional stances, being:
1. Blamer
2. Placator
3. Super-reasonable
4. Irrelevant

For me, it has been proven that I am number 4. Irrelevant, which i quite agree upon.

The Irrelevant:
- pretends that the Stressor is nonexistent.
- diverts the focus from the present, feeling-laden situation to something else.
- often presents scatterbrained comments
BUT, after transformation,
- has the ability to be spontaneous and have fun.
- becomes a creative individual capable of congruent interactions


So am I an Irrelevant transforming to be congruent.
Or an Irrelevant in the making?


An Irrevelant is said to suffer the most hurt in the past experience which is y he/she discount self, others and context.
So wat hurt have i suffered??

People who know me would definitely know that I have a lousy memory.
Poor long-term memory? Amnesia? OR Repression??

I used to think that maybe i have poor long-term memory.
But now, I think maybe I am repressing some of my hurtful memories, which are... ....
I dun remember.

I think that I am a person who doesn't like to show my emotional side to others. Who have seen me cry before?
I doubt anyone has ever seen my tears before (besides after i yawn --> another scatteredbrain comments).


Haiz.. .. I am hurt. BUt where? when?

Shiok! I have created a new record!! Today I woke up at 4pm !! Woo hoo!!